HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS - Steve Saunders Goldwing Forums

 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-22-2005, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Location: Ottertail country, Minnesota, USA
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1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the
third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began
seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male,
mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for
lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent
home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of
her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car
for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus
sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other
abnormalities.

Don

Please help keep the Cancer Candle burning!!!
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-22-2005, 01:00 PM
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Very funny, number 4 and 10 are my faves.

Ted Kelly.
Current Wings; 2006 GL1800 & 1997 GL1500se.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-22-2005, 03:37 PM
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I like 21 and 25!

ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
None at present
Past 'Wings: GL1100, GL1200, GL1500, GL1800

Current BMW C650GT
Paul W.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-22-2005, 06:38 PM
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Wonderful!!:goofygrin :

Pete




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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-25-2005, 03:58 PM
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To: All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
2. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
3. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to ****), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
4. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
5. Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
6. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."
7. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."
8. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.


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