Blonde logic - Steve Saunders Goldwing Forums

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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-21-2006, 09:48 PM Thread Starter
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BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; li! kewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."


KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"


"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"


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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-21-2006, 10:41 PM
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All productivity books can be summed up with 11 words: "One thing at a time. Most important thing first. Start now."

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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 12:54 AM
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You forgot this one:

Three Blondes were hiking through the woods one day when they came upon a set of tracks. They all stared at the tracks, which then led to a discussion of exactly what kind of tracks they were.

The first Blonde said, "They look like fox tracks."

The other two didn't really agree, so the second Blonde remarked: "They look like cow tracks."

"Cow tracks?!" the other two said. "You're crazy."Then the third Blonde stated: "I happen to know for a fact that they're moose tracks!"

Well, the other two certainly didn't agree with that observation, and while the three of them stood there arguing about what kind of tracks they were.....

.....the train came around the bend and ran them all over.

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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 05:19 AM
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I find these offensive, funny but offensive, and on behalf of blondes everywhere, I demand an apology and retraction.


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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 05:31 AM
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Scout Guy wrote:
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I find these offensive, funny but offensive, and on behalf of blondes everywhere, I demand an apology and retraction.


If simple JOKES like that offend you I won't tell the one of the boy scouts and the blonde


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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 08:40 AM
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Scout Guy wrote:
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I find these offensive, funny but offensive, and on behalf of blondes everywhere, I demand an apology and retraction.
So don't read 'em.

The blonds don't, so they are not offended.

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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 11:26 AM
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Geordiemuppet wrote:
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So don't read 'em.

The blonds don't, so they are not offended.

I had a response to this but in the level headed part (very small as it is) of meI refrained from hitting send


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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 01:11 PM
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What if we substituted Pole or Negro or Italaian or Irishman or Canadian for "blonde"? Would these jokes still be acceptable?


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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 01:48 PM
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this honey-blonde finds them neither offensive nor objectionable - she finds them funny

don't understand them, but they are funny just the same

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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 07-22-2006, 02:21 PM
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A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub together ....


ooops, shouldn't have said that.

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