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This will make you laugh...do not take this advice seriously...:?



DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another
song you like and hum that instead.


DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with
your old bank statements.


HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply
moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In
the morning, simply move it all back again.


SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply
changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,


DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to
the object you wish to view.


AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.


MANCHESTER UNITED FANS can save money on expensive new kits by simply
strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. Your allegiance is now clear to all.


HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the
price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in
your coat pocket.


OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply
cross out the names and address of people you don't know.


SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following
morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble
full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.


SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they
will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.


OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for
ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel
the benefit.


WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips
from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.


MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on
a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.


SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
before taking them to the counter to be weighed.


WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less
anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house
afterwards.



:D

Steve
 

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A few good tips there mate, thanks!!! :cheeky1::cheeky1:
 

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orange1800 wrote:
WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips
from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
I am one chip missing, dang, don't you just hate it when that happens...:cheeky1:
 

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tanygaer wrote:
orange1800 wrote:
WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips
from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
I am one chip missing, dang, don't you just hate it when that happens...:cheeky1:
You can substitute with a smiley face David, don't panic!!!:cheeky1:
 

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Good Advice there !! :action::action:



By the way...this is not the same Steve that the (to-be-ex wife) left a billboard for in another fun thread...is it ? :cheeky1::cheeky1: :cheeky1: :cheeky1:
 

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Discussion Starter #6
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Luckily for me, my wife doesn't visit this site very often.



I am still married by the way :)



Steve
 

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orange1800 wrote:
Luckily for me, my wife doesn't visit this site very often.



I am still married by the way :)



Steve
Don't worry, we have the printer working overtime here, she can do some catching up in Faskally!!!:shock::D:D
 

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Oh damn, damn, damn...:shock::shock:....:gunhead::gunhead::gunhead:

Steve

 
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BlueWinger wrote:
Good Advice there !! :action::action:



By the way...this is not the same Steve that the (to-be-ex wife) left a billboard for in another fun thread...is it ? :cheeky1::cheeky1: :cheeky1: :cheeky1:
Your lack of reply to this one Steve, has been noted. :D:D:D



How's Emily ???:cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1: :leprechaun:
 

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hey CaptainBrian,

The only Emily I know is a snazzy helicopter.
Would that be whom you are referring to???;)

Just like this one...
 

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Aw c'mon now Steve,:?:?:? I can't believe that you haven't seen the other thread on this fun forum, entitled :- "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.":D:D:D I've noticed that you haven't posted on that topic, but I'm sure you've seen it :cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1:...............The billboard says it all !!!!!! :leprechaun::leprechaun::leprechaun:
 

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orange1800 wrote:
Luckily for me, my wife doesn't visit this site very often.



I am still married by the way :)



Steve
are you sure? better check soon and often............rick:D:D:cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1:
 

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Aaw, YOU GUYS...:waving:

:D
Steve
 

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well were worried about you man!!!!! :D:D:cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1::clapper:rick
 

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OK You two...;)



My official denial is on the other thread now...let that be the END of it...:action:



Steve
 
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