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[size=Dear Friends,

Just before the end of the year, I wanted to thank you forthe e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past twelve months.

Imust send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with everyenvelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the topof every can I open for the same reason.

Ino longer haveany savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the money that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry aboutmy soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
]
[size=Ino longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I nolonger can buy gas without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.]
[size=
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singaporeand Uzbekistan .

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine becausea big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my fanny. I can't even pick up the money I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon, and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this because itactually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study,has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sexalways read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.][size=
][size=
][size=Happy New Year]
 

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Wow, I don't know what to say, I better get busy sending this along
 
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