Steve Saunders Goldwing Forums banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Senior Member
Joined
·
1,566 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
imported post

I can no longer open a bathroom door [/b]without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread
because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands
with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag
for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS
for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,
now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar
because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC
because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy
petrol without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap
in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW
I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centres
because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan. ..

THANKS TO YOU
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE
I can't ever pick up a 10p coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening
because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet.


]
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
798 Posts
imported post

Good one!
 
G

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
imported post

I never allow women to kiss me, you never know what they've had their lips around:shock::badgrin::leprechaun:
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top