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My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

*********

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat
up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started ...

*********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't
been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started.....

*********
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

Well I couldn't believe it ..... He was a DWARF !!!!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*********

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started.....

*********
 

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Monkey with a Football
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hey, creekwalker posted that a while back!
 

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Rudy wrote:
hey, creekwalker posted that a while back!
sorry dude, i was on the kids site so i will go find us a ripper ok.....
 

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careful...................................:D
 

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submitted for your approval:............


This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat
on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my
front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and
I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing
somebody!"
 

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Monkey with a Football
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Creek missed that one...
 

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Then lets try again..................Rudy, did you check ................................ah, can't do it.....
 

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Monkey with a Football
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Ohh my FACTS.... yeah, my FACTS. No.
 

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I like the one with the old woman on the porch.

That sure isthe truth!!
 
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