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The Darwin Awards are the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool thebiggest service bykilling themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.


Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free sodaout.
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.... HONEST!
Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline withmilk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fireburned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon theoccupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pantsaround their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-f oot railroad trestle. FairfaxCounty police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored theother end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators thinkBarcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between thetrestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.The friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the buildingextinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they haddifficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of thetechnicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resemb led a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.



Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, unfortunately, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigatorsfinally pieced together the mystery crash. An amateur rocket scientist...had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off,actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. Hehad driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in,got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impa la hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles(15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the roadsurface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extractedfrom the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actuallyon the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
 

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Jmly wrote:
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
Actually, you could.
 

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On a factual note, however, it is intersting to note that, statistically, 5 or 6 people die each year in the US from tipped over vending machines. Well, actually they die from being under the machines when they tip them over.
 
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