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I need some guidance here. Long story short, Daughters boyfriend recived a ragged 89 Honda VTR 250 from some friends for a Christmas/Birthday present.

The problem is his mother is dead set aganst him riding it due to her brother being killed on a motorcycle just a few years ago,So his fatherpretty much sides with her but don't say a whole lot. He just turned 18 and still lives at home as he is still in school, He is a really good kid and respects his parents but intends to fix and ride the bike. His parents know me (Have for many years) and know I ride and have ridden most of my life. I did agree to let him keep the bike here and help him get it in good shape.

I figured atleast that way he would have some guideance in getting the bike roadworthy and safe as at home he would get little adult guideance and and no encouragemant.

He is planning to have the bike ready by April, As he is not concerned with replacing the plastics. This will be a naked/street fighter style bike. So this is a very reachable goal. I already gave him the "You will take the rider safetycourse" talk and he fully agrees.

I really feel torn, I do understand and respect his parents feelings. I also don't want them to think I am working aganst them so to speak. But he is looking to me for guidance and I feel like the best thing to do is be supportiveandgive him proper guidance to ensure he is safe and rides responsably. :?:?:?

:? Am I doing the right thing? :? :baffled: . I could use any advicein this situation.
 

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That is a tough one. You are doing the right thing by giving him the guidance he needs to be safe and respect the bike. Although it could cause conflict with you and the parents. It kinda sounds like the father might already know that he is going to do it either way ( with your help or with out). It may take time, but maybe they will see the good you are doing as the boy begins to show how safety conscious he becomes.

I hope it works out to the good for both of you. Good luck and keep us posted.
 

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I've always thought encouraging anyone to get on a motorcycle was a lot of responsibility. More than I'm interested in taking on.

So I don't do it. If people ask me about riding I tell them it's a silly dangerous hobby that they are better off avoiding. If they believe me then they really are better off avoiding it.. the ones that don't believe me, the ones that go out and take the course and buy a bike anyway.. those guys need your help. They are the terminal cases and nothing you tell them is going to keep them off the bike.

I think that if the kid is far gone enough that he is fixing the bike up, and taking the course .. he's going to wind up riding with or without your guidance. My guess is he'll be much better off with it.

You're only concerned because you realize the potential risks riding creates. I think that makes you well qualified to show this kid the ropes, and he is lucky to have your help.
 

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Only way to tackle this one Maddog (IMHO),is to talk to both parties together, if you wish to get involved.I know the kid is 18, but just think if the boot were on the other foot and it were someoneelse, getting involved in teaching and helping your daughter to do something youdid not want her to do.

The fact that the mother has lost one son to motorcycles should be enough reason to respect her wishes as well. If the kid is still adament that he is gonna ride, and the parents want no involvement, then all you can do is point him towards professional training and leave it atthat.

Just my humble opinion.
 

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I think I would have a sit-down with the parents and the kid, and explain where you are coming from.

Re: having a daughter and someone helping her do something I dont approve of... Ummmm - am there, doing that, t-shirt on order.

These particular people lack the testicular fortitude to talk to me and explain their position, earning my label for them as chicken-$#!t scum, regardless of their unstated intent.

While your intent is honorable, you are playing poker with someone else's "money"...talk to all involved, get it all out in the open, then make your decision.
 

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We as parents do our best to teach our children right from wrong. In the end it is their decision to make the choice. If you say he is a good kid then maybe he is making what he feels is the right decision regardless of what his parents state with prejudiced (not without reason) judgment.
With that being said he may be looking to you as a substitute to re-affirm what he thinks is right. Giving him guidance, knowledge, and support may be what he is looking for. His parent most likely are not completely against the idea but fear for the safety of their child, or else they would step forward to discourage you from helping. Maybe his learning to ride will close the gap to grieving a bit more from the loss of someone they cared for. You can only reinforce the safe practices and good riding habits of years of experience have taught you and give him every step up that is available. His parents will come around if he is a good kid, he had to learn it somewhere.


Kevin E

PS. it also give him someone to ride with (or just an excuse for you to get out and ride)
 

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I believe in following house rules. If you don't like the rules, find a new house to live in.

If he is going to break this rule what other rules is he going to break? The one where he promised he wouldn't speed or stunt?

"He's a good kid" can mean a lot of things. Usually it means he's likeable and we tend to overlook the faults of likeable people.

Getting legalistic here but are the parents just against the biking or have they forbidden it? One position is far more negotiable.

Personally, I wouldn't encourage or discourage a person from riding. They need to make that decision themselves. He needs to deal with his parents and he needs to give them the assurances they are looking for.

The situation has been made more difficult by someone already giving him a bike. He now has the means part of the means, motive and opportunity trio.

I appologize if the next statement is incorrect or harsh but was your daughters broken arm the result of her going beyond her limits while riding with friends?

If the answer is yes or close to it I would question theresponsibility of her friends.
 

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An 18 year old hard head!!! Read what the Fox and OBE1 have said. Then read it again, then again. They have told you right.

If discussion gains approval, then before you even turn one wrench on the bike make the boy go to the safety course, before you even agree to help, he has to present and come up with that.

If not then you are not in control of the situation and he is going to control you. It is great that you wish to help someone and I agree that the boy will eventually ride the bike in any event. But the best help you can give him is the safety side of things, the old bike is really just a tool, it will be used for a bit and he will move on to a better bike if he really is interested in bikes.

Yes talk to everyone involved, many hard feelings can arise over this kind of thing, they may anyway, but to not honor any wishes from either side, simply puts you in the middle with flac coming from all directions.

If Mommy does not wish her boy to ride the bike, simply do not get involved, and just explain it to the boy. What he does is up to him, you can still talk to him, guide him, just do not get directly involved.

Then if it does go wrong, and the boy gets out and does the zoomsplat thing and kills himself, it is not reflected on you.

A young boy, wanting to fly, get out out of the home, with no real family structure, except the words , you cannot do this....is a dangerous thing. Some survive it, some do not.

It is to be expected the once the bike is up and going, the safety course and all the things you say, will one day be set aside, and the spirit of youth and the joy of life will take over. The results vary, as I said some survive it , some do not.

Kit

If it were my son, sure I would let him go, he might end up dying in some stupid war in Iraq, so I do look at things a bit different, but dealing with another persons child is very much different.

Hope I said something that makes sense, I know what I am trying to say, just do not know if I said it right.
 

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Boy,

I remember when I was 18. Invinceable. I remember taking my Dad's 250 out and having "fun" with it. That's when you losethe control. Hopefully, he would remember the skills and wisdom that you taught him.

Talk to to the parents with him present as been stated alreadyAlthough 18, he is living in their home. I wouldn't want the parents looking at me if he hurt himself on the bike and they knew nothing.

I'm just like you, I would want to help him but the con's out way the pros in my estimation at this point.

Good luck
 

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Ok to Answer a few questions, I am guessing his mother is not forbiding itsence my daughter just told me she bought him the plugs and wires for the bike for Christmas. I do intend to talk to them after the first of the year, Before we start working on the bike.

Nobbie you are correct and not taken harshly.The adult that was riding with them that day had no idea of my daughters skill and only knew she used to have her own,He trusted her judgement as did I. A painfull lession but one she won't be forgetting anytime soon.It was not a group thing just her, Her boyfriend and a trusted adult. The problem is she is too much like her daddywas at that age:action:. Another reason I want to keep a close eye on him I am afraid she will get him in trouble.

I do think he is a good kid, The fact that he came to me instead of going to one of his friends impressed me alot as well.They do havea friend he goes to school and works with that rides a GSXR so I was not his only option.
 

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You've already been given a lot of great advice here, and it sounds like you are heading the right direction too. My two cents added, if he was going to do it anyway, I would want to see him do it the right way, as safely as possible. I wouldn't encourage him to ride, but I would encourage him to do it safely if he's going to do it anyway, and that's what I'd talk with his parents about. If he's breaking a rule of their house, (doesn't sound like that's the case with his mom buying him parts), I would encourage him to honor his parents first. You got your heart in the right place, just work with his parents. :)

John
 

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I have to agree with those that say to honor his parents, even if you don't agree with their decisions. To do so will also teach him to do the same. As long as he chooses to live under their roof, they have the right to tell him what to do, and not do. At eighteen he is a legal adult and if he wants to live his life the way he wants to he should move out and establish his own household.

Is this a hard rule? Yes. My oldest son went into the Navy at seventeen and a half because he thought he knew more about life than I did and was that young buck challenging me for the right to be the head of our home. I had to ask him to find someplace else to live, as I wasn't ready to give up my place as the head of the house. Something must have been right as he is getting close to retirement from the Navy after twenty years. He is still a hard-head, but has served himself well in the military.

Sometimes a "no" or "wait a bit" can build character that will serve well in later years. I'm sure that most of us have been in that position at some point in our growing years.
 

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At 18, he is a young man. He is actually just a kid in most of our eyes.

Little bikes are dangerous, and if I had a 250 (dirt or street) when I was 18 or today, I definitely would not ride it like like a HD putter. I would be having some fun with it, and that is where the danger lies.

I do not think a riders safety class would do him much good, but let me say this. Sure, let him take it for a little peace in our minds, and hopefully he or anyone else can learn what ever they can from the course.

I have taken the riders class due to work, and sure many of us "older" folks say its a good class which it is. Goldwingers and members or GWRRA are especially proponents of these safety courses.

How many of ya'll took a safety riding class when you where 18, and how many of the current "young" riders do you think have taken the class? Big GW and HD riders are a different class.

The course costs up to a couple hundred bucks. If I got a ticket, sure I am prone to take a defensive driving class and pay the cost at that time, but I am not taking it to learn anything. I am taking it to get a lower the fine and/or not have a ticket on my record. If you disagree, go sign up for the class(es).

I hope the best for the boy. It may be a fad for him now to ride a bike. I was experience since 13 and my interests changed when I was around 18-22 and I started to hot rod cars. I hope he does have riding experience from his child hood. I hate to anyone that is inexperienced toget on a bike, period.
 

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I didn't read all the posts all the way through, but it looks like there's pretty much agreement here. Please let me add my voice to it.

Talking to the parents is key here. You've said you plan to do that, and I'm glad - It's nobody's right to go behind the parents' back if they forbid something, even if you disagree.

The mother is understandably concerned, I imagine she must be scared to death. Perhaps you could meet some of her concerns by showing her a catalog with some safety riding gear, like armored jackets and boots. Might make good gift ideas, and she might even feel like she's taking an active approach to safety. Maybe it would help ease her mind a little, I wonder if the brother wore any? You see those guys at the track survive some tremendous high-speed incidents.

Good luck. He's gonna find a way to ride if he wants to bad enough.
 

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At this point MD I feel you have a pretty good handle on the situation. That kid is gonna ride, no matter what anyone tells him. The only thing anyone can do is teach him how to do it right.

As the work is done on the bike make sure he gets his hands dirty too. The more he does the better. If that bike running is a product of his hard work he is more likely to treat it with respect and want to take care of it.

RISK...it's a big factor in life. And right now his mom is focused on the death of her brother. Help her to deal with that by explaining that risk isn't a measure of what can happen, it's the measure of what can happen versus the likelihood of it happening. Let her compare the statistics of accidents involving riders without training versus one's with it. Involving those who start riding young, and those who do it later in life. When she sees the reality of those stats, her fears aren't going to be any less. But she will be better prepared to accept the risk.

Explain to her that with your help that bike is going to be as safe as it can possibly be mechanically.

Take the kid, not the mom to that Ride to Die website. I know it's gruesome. I know it's primary purpose is to shock and terrify. But it also delivers a real message. I myself hit that website every couple of months just as a reminder of what can happen to my stupid butt when i get to cocky.

I have a habit of getting "comfortable" behind the handle bars. A little confident and a bit lazy. Even careless at times. I know one of these days it's probably going to get me killed. If does I'll at least die happy. However I hit sites like Ride to Die, I come and lurk through the archives here for the horrible posts none of us really wants to read. just to remind myself of what happens when one allows themselves to get comfortable.

My prayers will be with you and this young man and his family. However I have faith in God, and in your judgment. It will work out fine.
 

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I also haven't read all of the posts completely. My advise to you would be to stay entirely out of this. If the boy rides against his mothers wishes and you have been involved and an accident happens you will get the blaim, from her and yourself. Advise him to respect his mothers wishes until he is out on his own. This is a no win situation for you. To say he will ride anyway is like saying teens will have sex anyway so just provide them condoms. Wouldn't want to be in your shoes just now. Think hard about this. My prayers are with you also.
 

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Boy talk about a tough decision to make....I have never been faced with this type of a situation before so my trying to give advise is only based on what I would do in a situation like this if presented to me....

First the parents have, due the mothers lost of a brother, are basing all their concerns on that loss of a brother to a motorcycle accident....How many times have we as motorcycle riders been told "I lost a brother, son, daughter, or a loved one to a motorcycle wreck"? And by the same token how many of us have lost friends and loved ones to motorcycle related accidents? I have lost many friends to motorcycle related accidents...How many times have we been told that we are crazy and that we all have a "death wish" just riding our motorcycles..? I have been told that several times..

At 14 years old I was told by one of my Dads fellow co-workers that if I could crank this old Cushman Eagle he had in his garage, for over 5 years of not running it was mine, I cranked it !!!!.... But my father wouldn't let me have it, I didn't speak to my Father for months!!!!!

At 18 years old I had bought several Cushmans etc and was not the rider that I am today...I rode those old Cushmans like there was no tomorrow and did a lot of foolish things. Now I'm married man, with grand children, one of them has his very own dirt bike at 10 yrs old....His father used to take my GS-1000 Suzuki, or his Mothers V-1000 Motto Guzzi and at 13 years old he rode them to school and we had no idea that he was doing this until I rode mine to his school to show his band director, who had just bought a GS-750 Suzuki, he told us that our oldest son had rode our bikes to school almost every day for months!!!!The keys went into my pocket from that day on and not on a peg on the kitchen wall.....

But long and short of it is this, his mother has bad memories of losing a brother, and I believe nothing you can say will ever make her feel better about her son wanting to ride one..Sure she may have bought him wires and spark plugs for that motorcycle, but back off and have your talk with them. Tell them that you are willing to help him make it ride able, but that you, with their blessings can only point him in a safer way to ride, aka a MSF course and that if they want you to but out, then so be it....

As a former cop I learned a long time ago that once you step into a family dispute...you are automatically the "bad guy"....So personally I avoid any thing that would make me the "bad guy"...I know as everyone here that your heart is in the right place and that you will only do what we all know is the right way of teaching right and wrong in owning and riding a motorcycle, it might be best to let the parents make that decision of letting you be the one to assist their son with their blessings....

Talk to them, and at the end of that talk, if they are still adamant about him not riding, then tell the boy that you will respect his parents wishes.....That until they think it's ok for him to own and ride, that you can't and won't help him......But make him understand that by not helping him that it's not because you don't think he would be a bad rider, but it's also the not losing the friendship and respect of his parents....it's a hard decision you have to make, but I know that you will make the right one....

Claude....
 

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As long as I lived at home my parents forbid me to ride, even though my dad rode. My best friend while in high school was killed on a bike. A passing car (unintentionally) didn't see him along side and ran him off the road. He hit a tree head on. I was a pall bearer. I used to ride his bike to go home from school once in a while, this is probably why my parents forbid me to have one. They figured that having my best friend killed would have an effect on me while riding. It didn't help. I still got a bike secretly and kept it at another friends house. They helped me put it together. When my parents found out (to this day I don't know how they found out either) I was asked to leave the house. That if I could not follow their rules, I could not live there. They also never talked to my friend or his parents for some time. Yes, everything worked out with time. It was time I left the house anyway, and they did eventually start talking to the people that helped me. Once they saw I was going to continual riding they even took rides on the back of my bike. this all took a while. I guess I'm saying this because yes, it worked out with me, but your not the first to have done this, and it can ruin a friendship or at least stress a friendship. I'm not telling you what to do nor am I advising you what to do. That is up to you. I'm just giving you one more true life experience.



The interesting thing is, they never said anything about dirt bikes riding, I believe they felt that was safer.
 

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I must say I am suprised at some of the posts but do understand their logic. I still think I should get the parents blessings and try to guide him. Ialso think my statementsabout encourageing him was mis understood. I did not mean I would encourage him to ride, Only to do it safely with proper gear.

I expectthis will be a passingdesire for him anyway, If his intrest lasts all summer I will be suprised.
 
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