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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a
Cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she
Asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
Gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
Compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
Upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
200 in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
Appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************************************

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
While we were in bed, I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have
Sex?' 'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....

***********************************************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
Her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
Reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
Sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,'
I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
Those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a
Person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started.....

**************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
Alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
Little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which
One are you?'

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
Reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
Please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started......
 

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Thanks for those ones. I gotta pass a few of them on.......unfortuneatley I'm the wife that doesn't go to the kitchen.........:D
 
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Scientists have just discovered a slow acting food poison that only effects men's reasoning. They haven't found out exactly what the substance is yet, but very high concentrates have been detected in :-









































WEDDING CAKE :cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1:
 

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Jennifer wrote:
Thanks for those ones. I gotta pass a few of them on.......unfortuneatley I'm the wife that doesn't go to the kitchen.........:D
Can't you get the wing into the kitchen..:cooldevil::cooldevil:
 
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derekhendry wrote:
good ones, some old but still good
Swaggerman'sbest one was elsewhere :- Cork blond in Casino,:cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1:
 
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