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1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war

with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates ,

the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to

Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.


Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million

dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the

king!"


Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you

are."

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2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid

bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a

fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

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3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think

I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down..You'll just

have to be a little patient."

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4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to

produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches,

they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that

people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California . This, of

course, is the origin of the expression -- "He who has a Tate's is lost!"

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5. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.

After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of

elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and

swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man

returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The

thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.."

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6. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name

missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the

local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken

Leif off my census."

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7. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an

elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became

pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the

hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that.... the squaw

of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two

hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

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8. A skeptical anthropologist was recording South American folk remedies

with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a

particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the

anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and

said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
 

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John, are you sure Dennis didn't actually send them to you to post??? They are difinately "his style"!:?:ROFL::ROFL:
 

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Flyone wrote:
John, are you sure Dennis didn't actually send them to you to post??? They are difinately "his style"!:?:ROFL::ROFL:
:ROFL::ROFL: Yeah they have D-Rod written all over them, that's why I had to post 'em. :cheesygrin:
 

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Man,they are groaners! and no they were not from me. But I might just add them to my collection! Thanks for the good laughs (groans).
 

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Those were good.

When I was in the navy, I used to work for a guy that loved puns. He told them all the time. I wish I could remember some.

Anyway, that brings back memories.
 
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