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Stimulus Payment Info.  
    "This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus  Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q  and A format:

Q. What is an  Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is  money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get  this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me  back my own money?
A. Only a  smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose  of this payment?
A. The plan is  that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
set, thus  stimulating the economy.

Q. But  isn't that stimulating the economy ofChina?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice  on how to best help theUSeconomy by spending
your stimulus check  wisely:

If you spend  that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go toChina.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go  to the Arabs.
If you purchase a  computer it will go toIndia.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it  will go toMexico,Honduras,  and
Guatemala(unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go toJapan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go  toTaiwan.

And none of it will help the  American economy.

We need to  keep that money here inAmerica. You can keep the  money in
Americaby spending it at yard sales, going to a  baseball game, or spend it
on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or  tattoos, since those are
the only businesses still in theUS.
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