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My Cousin Shay sent this to me. I wanted to share it with You. Kinda Cute.


I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now.

I no longer open a public bathroom door]without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room]because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspreadbecause I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands]with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt tripbecause I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse]for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKSto whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,]now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer eat KFC]because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorantseven though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU]I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,]I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline]without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper]since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put'Under God'on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap]in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOWI can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones]because I could be pricked with a needle infected withAIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls]because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex]since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target]since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone]because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus]since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU]I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I can't do any gardeningbecause I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . ]

Oh, by the way.....]

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.]

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.



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