Steve Saunders Goldwing Forums banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,614 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Some days you get to witness things that you'd give anything to have a video of, such was the case here.

I was in the car headed to the store in town and saw a Harley with 2 up coming towards me, nothing unusual there. I also noticed a squirrel crossing the road on one of the electric lines over heard, nothing unusual there either. What was unusual was what happened next.

Why, I don't know, but the squirrel lost footing on the line and fell, and it landed right in the lap of passenger. Well she freaked and started bouncing all over the place, this of course caused the bike to go "squirrely". Fortunately, they were only doing about 25 mph and the rider did all he could to get the bike to a stop and almost succeeded. Just as he was about to put his feet down, the bike went over and landed on the curb throwing the riders into the grass. As this was happening, I saw the squirrel light out for the nearest tree and disappear. I hit the brakes and ran over to check on them and both were ok, though a bit bruised. The guy was hot though. She was trying to explain what happened and he wasn't listening to it until I verified I saw it happen. At that point he just stared at us with his jaw open. We checked out the bike and all the damage was superficial to light damage. A lot of scrapes from the curb, the handle bar looked light it may have bent slightly, and the rear saddle bag guard didn't look very healthy. Despite that it started up all right for them to ride it home.

Well after we got it up on the sidestand and running, the rider and I actually got a laugh out of the fact that we know have to worry about flying/falling squirrels to the list. This humor was lost on his passenger who thought we were both nuts.

So when you're out there, WATCH THEM LINES.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,303 Posts
I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect.
I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.
It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.
I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!
Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes.
His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt!
I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Banzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular...
He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack.
Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.
And losing...
I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.
It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!
Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all.
His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result.
Torque.
This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.
The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement.
The squirrel screamed in anger.
The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy.
I screamed in .. well .. I just plain screamed.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.
The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.
With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.
This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle... my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.
About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.
As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.
Finally I got the upper hand .. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort-of.
Spectacularly sort-of ....so to speak.
Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.
I heard screams.
They weren't mine...
I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really... Except for two things.
First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.
So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.
That was one thing. The other?
Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car ... but it was all his.
I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids.









 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,602 Posts
Hahahaha ..... them squirrels!

They eat fuel lines and wires off my trucks, two keep trying to eat my house, they have no problem with them walnuts, they are seriously able to destroy stuff. And that's the tame ones!

They are kin to hamsters and once we had two (33 years ago) and we had them both out in the bathtub (no water, but slick sides), trying to acclimae them to each other. They got in a fight and dummy me reached in to seperate them .... one bit my thumb through the thumbnail! Holes in my thumbnail!

Darn (?), that HURT!

I snapped my hand to shake it off and that hamster hit the ceiling and then hit the tub floor and after a couple secs .... started moving again. Tough critter!

We gave that one away to the girl in the apartment below us and "Ziggy" (he did not bite me) lived out his days with us.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,846 Posts
That's too funny, glad you survives the attack of the mutant NAZI squirrel.:cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1::cheeky1:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
141 Posts
AWSOME!!!! I think we all need to pull together and declare war on these motercycle hateing bandits, together we can make a stand and spread the word that we wont take it anymore..... Seriously, glad everyone came out ok
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
343 Posts
unionjk, you missed your calling. You and cousin jack should open your own publishing company. Your story makes mine about the ninja guard wasp at the old spanish fort in Panama seem tame.

Soon as I get the tears out of my eyes, I'm gonna read it again.

Chief
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,242 Posts
This is when you need a VERY GOOD insurance agent.:rolleyes:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,538 Posts
unionjk That was the best read I have had in years. As I read your story I could imagine a mutant super squirrel determined to show the world what a gray coated rodent equipped razor sharp teeth could do to those two legged upright creatures. Just to funny.
 

·
Still Learning
Joined
·
13,270 Posts
unionjk That was the best read I have had in years. As I read your story I could imagine a mutant super squirrel determined to show the world what a gray coated rodent equipped razor sharp teeth could do to those two legged upright creatures. Just to funny.
Just remember though it was a good to great read, he doesn't ride a Valkyrie, nor is he a big biker dude!
Good show Ray! That really from you?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,303 Posts
On Camp Pendleton the houses in one area are under constant attack by the squirrels who chew holes in walls, door seals, and wiring all the time, never mind the damage to landscaping and sprinklers ect. The problem is Camp Pendleton is also a preserve and therefore no animal, even pests like snakes in a home, or squirrels attacking homes, are permitted to be harmed in any way, even though the place may be over-run with them.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,303 Posts
No I did not write that, it obviously takes far more talent than I possess. It has been on the internet for years. I have been sharing it around the campfire several years now and can finally 'almost' make it through the whole thing without breaking up and gasping for air.

Now the HD crowd have taken it and changed it to a Hardley.

Of course we all know that a Hardley does not really fit the description of what happens when you put a healthy twist into the right hand, other than in their minds of course.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top