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cigars and women, dangerous line to start out with, i used to say “I’ve never met a cigar i didn’t like.” oh, yeah and women, i used to say pretty much the same thing; only this week i smoked the worst cigar ever, and met a woman, (notice i did not say lady) that i didn’t care for much either. and it happened at the same time.

i was smoking a new cigar, “man of war” a Churchill, and i was not enjoying anything about it. not how it burned, it tunneled, then canoed (these are all bad things if you didn’t know) and frankly the draw was horrible. i always smoke a cigar when i head to the post office.

so here i am smoking a crappy cigar and when i go into the post office i always lay my cigar on the window ledge of the post office. i go in get my mail and as i’m coming out through the door i’m just in time to see this woman toss my cigar on the ground and step on my cigar. i mean throw a burning baby into a fire, (not really) so i walk up to her and say “hey you owe me 8 bucks for that cigar.”

i really didn’t expect her to pay, but i was totally unprepared for the verbal onslaught i was to receive. heck, i’ve had my a$$ chewed out by drill instructors and i never batted an eye, but being chewed out by grandma really burned my but. man she was working up a sweat chewing my out.

what made it worse was i started laughing that’s when she poked me with her finger, now i have never hit a woman, so i asked her a question; “are you and I going to sleep together?” Man did she start sputtering and her cussing got worse. so i pulled out another cigar as she explained that we would never sleep together and how dare i suggest such a thing and i’m just standing there with this new unlit cigar in my mouth. as i start to light this new cigar she goes ballistic and again i ask her ” are we going to sleep together” and she says “no, no no never” and how dare i light up another cigar and on and on and i say to her again ” are you sure we are not going to sleep together” now she goes completely berserk and spittle is flying from her mouth and she redder than a boiled lobster and she finally asks me the right question; “why do you keep asking me that?”

my honest to goodness reply; ” if we aren’t sleeping together than i’m going to shove this cigar where the sun don’t shine and no one has seen your a$$ in 20 years anyway.”

she stops dead in tracks (figuratively) and smiles, (which scared the hell out of me let me tell you) she lets out a little giggle ( i’m thinking about drawing my gun) and playfully slaps me on the arm and says; ” oh you sound like my dear departed husband, he was always yelling at me and saying he was going to shove something somewhere, god i miss him.” and she starts tearing up and i’m about ready to set the quarter mile record for the sprint. because i dead scared she’s going to want me to go home with here shove something somewhere.

so i’m changing my mailing address and hope i never have to go to the post office again. (honest to god true story)
 

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so maybe if you quit smoking bad things wont happen?

:needahug:
 

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Leave the cigar in the ashtray on the Wing. :thumbsup::thumbsup:
 

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Ask her to hold IT for you while you get the mail.
 
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