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I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter
She said, 'you gave me too much money.
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha." When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said de dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

And remember, some of these people actually vote.
 

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True: When paying for my meal at a Taco Bell, the high school age girl showed puzzlement with the 50 cent piece thatI had given her. She was looking it over very carefully. When I asked her if there was a problem, she said "no, I'm just checking to see if it's a 50 or a 75."

I told her thatI was pretty sure that it was a 50. I then guessed at which high school she attended and she was impressed thatI got it right. She did not realize thatI was using her to insult her school.
 

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My wife actually told me about Le-a. She worked at the school that the kid attended. :ROFL::ROFL::ROFL:
 

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My daughter works a call center for a doctors office. A mother called in and said her daughter had a problem. My daughter asks the mother to spell the childs name. After a few letters, she says "8". My daughter says, "like the digit 8?". The mother says "yes, OF COURSE!" like my daughter was an idiot for not knowing she would have an 8 in her name. Poor kid!
 

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true stories in my line of work fixing semi's


i asked a guy a forign guy whats wrong with your truck?
he replied "truck broke fix" i asked again whats wrong?
again he replied "truck broke fix" and handed me a card for his company that said on the card "call for interperter"



story 2

a guy called said his truck is making a noise, at this point ive had a long day i said to him "put the truck on the phone" he then preceded to put the phone on the dash for 10 minutes while i fell on the floor laughing, then he picked it up see did you hear it?


story 3
a guy tells me he heard a rumor if he put 2 gallons of automatic trans. fluid in his diesel tank that will lube up the injectors, so i didnt argue with him i said i wouldnt do it its your truck, a week later his truck got towed in and he had his head low and told me he added 2 gallons of atf and i said "OK?" he then said it ran great until it stopped running.


ah the life of working on peterbilts is never a dull moment
 

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I was installing a phone system and explaining the features of the new handset to an office worker when it rang.... She said what do I do now.... I said pick up the receiver and say 'Hello"
 

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johnthebavarian wrote:
I was installing a phone system and explaining the features of the new handset to an office worker when it rang.... She said what do I do now.... I said pick up the receiver and say 'Hello"
I use that one ALL the time. With these new phone systems people seem to think there is some magical way of answering the phone.

Another one I have done before; some one will say how they are trying to get some work done and the phone keeps disturbing them and ask if I can make it stop ringing. I will say "Sure can" then reach down and unplug the phone cord. The look on people's faces can be worth millions.
 

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WOW!!
 

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Years ago I was checking birth certificates at a youth t-ball tournament (yes, teams will attempt to sneak a ringer into a t-ball tourney :sadguy:)

The young man's name was J'n

and the mother was most upset with me because it was obvious that this should be pronounced Jawan???

:?
 
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